Everyone thinks I am so strong & so optimistic. Truth is, I am just as weak and terrified as them. I just know how to hide it better.

It’s late nights like this that are the worst. You stay up all night and can’t get yourself to fall asleep, so all you do is think. Think about everything. Everything that you have been through in your life. And as always, it’s mostly the bad things that stand out the most. You reminisce the good times you’ve had with people that no longer exist in your life. You think about how much happier you used to be and how everything was better before. It’s nights like this when you realize just how lonely you are, and how you wish that things would be alright for once.

I love to eat because food is comfy, it does sound weird that you can feel that way about food. I do not care about my weight till i see my favorite celebs having flat tummies and abs. I still love food but can i don’t gain weight?
I want long hair but i get bored with it so fast that i want my short hair again. You can guess very well that when i have short hair, i would want my long hair again. Society always say you are beautiful.
Let me rephrase to my liking. Society will think you are beautiful when you, yourself think you are. Confidence is a necessity in life to be deemed beautiful. I care too much about how i look, how much i weigh and even how i dress to remember that i am only 18.
18 is still young and i am suppose to enjoy the fact that i am alive and perfectly fit to enjoy the wonders in life. Yes, you can guess it again. My life is a nightmare. I am very insecure because i started wearing make up and dressing up at 13.
Yes, your looks may change as you get older and that i so have to agree. I do not look the same like how i did back in my secondary school days. In fact, i look better now, when i come to think of it. Well, my point here is just that i am ranting about my life. With the fact that this is my blog and i have the rights to say what i just feel.

Love is passion, obsession, something you cant live without. Fall head over heels, find someone who you can love like crazy that will love you the same way back. How do you find them? Well, forget your head and listen to your heart…the truth is, there is no sense living your life without this.

Here’s how I feel: People take one another for granted. Like, I’d just hang out with Ingrid in all these random places—in her room or at school or just on a sidewalk somewhere. And the whole time we’d tell eachother things, just say our thoughts outloud. Maybe that would have been boring to some people, but it was never boring to us. I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head. You just think that things will stay the way they are. You never look up, in a moment that feels like every other moment of your life, and think, “Soon this will be over.” But I understand more now. About how life works.

Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.

“But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us. And to save us.”
— Paulo Coelho

“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.”

—	Douglas Coupland

“There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live…..the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope.”

—	Alexandre Dumas

I’m the girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m the girl who tries to look pretty and it’s never good enough. I’m the girl who acts like she’s happy then goes home and wishes to be gone. I’m the girl who takes harsh words, act like they’re nothing, then goes home and cries. I’m the girl who tries to get her point across and could never find the right words. I’m the girl who has more depth to her than everyone thinks. I’m the girl who hides from the harsh eyes. I’m the girl who wouldn’t care if you gave me a shitty gift as long as you thought of me. I’m the girl who prays that someone will finally understand. I’m the girl who gets happy over the little things. I’m the girl that people misinterpret.