It’s the scariest thing ever to realize how much someone means to you. When it hits you, I mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. A sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly inch by inch as you start to wonder.

What if for some reason things don’t work out? How are you possibly going to live without them?
Someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you used to never hangout with, now owns most of your time. Someone that you thought you’d never love, owns your entire heart. Someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold on forever.

Went to do projects with bbygirls at Wdls library today. Plan on finishing everything up today but we end up talking and playing. So, obviously, the projects are still not done. Plan on going to Ilya's house next week to finish up our project with the hope that we would actually concentrate and not play arnoud like today. What to expect, when we girls ll get together, we will end up taling and playing around instead. Girls are girls. Hahas.

I also received a message from Vino, the person who interview me during when i apply my job at Sentosa the other time. I was happy to know that i got the job and would be statrting work on the 1st of July which is this friday.
Only after i've sent my schedule then i realise that i had ROW training this weekend and i already sent my schedule that im available to work this weekend. Die arh die. Now stress. Why am i so slenge? Haiyoo.

I'm a daydreamer. I can't really help it. If i get bored, my mind always wanders onto something else that's completely irrelevant. Most of the time, i think out situations in my head that i either wish would happen or wish i could have done differently. I plan out what i would say, what the other person would say, what we would do. I even daydream about how my current and future lives would be different if the situation happened the way i imagaine it would be. It's so fun to fantasize, but sometimes it makes me sad. I'm always so much braver in my daydreams than i am in my real lives.

Today the new chairs have arrived and its baby pink. Cute isnt it. But i still prefer the old design as the new one seems plain. But it doesnt matter as the most important thing is that finally the living room is occupied with chairs or i'll need to sit on the floor which is troublesome.

“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.”
— Paulo Coelho

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Went out to watch Karak with my dearest Kak Siti and Syukri at the Rex. Such a stupid tupid malay horror movie. Yes there was a lot of suspend but the storyline sucks. The climate of the story was a mess. But it was ok overall. Wonder how i'm gonna sleep tonight. Confirm for sure that i'll be having trouble sleeping especially when i'm gonna have flashback about the movie. and thank God, there was an english subtitle. I never liked malay movies or dramas since my malay sucks. Hahas.

went to Sentosa for interview and then off having fun. Plann to take Sentosa Express but end up walking from Habourfront. The view was great and beautiful. The last time i went to Sentosa was like forever. hahas. and the Entry fee to RWS was only $1 since we walk. Save money -.-

the interview: SUCKS!

the moment after interview: GREAT!

wth.

“When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration or knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do can change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.”

— Chase Brooks

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

— Jim Morrison

I’ve never been lonely. I’ve been in a room - I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt awful - awful beyond all - but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me…or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with, because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude.

wake up today to find my living room chairs gone.
then mummy also woke up and told me that the chairs were sent to the factory,
to change the cushion which was totally worn out.
looks like i'll need to sit either on the floor or use the big dinnig table for a few days until the chairs are back. wth. -.-

I know she messed you up badly. i know you have issues trusting girls with your heart now because of her. but, i want you to know that i’m here for you and that i’ll always be here with open ears. i hope you are able to heal soon. i hope that you stop going out to parties and seeing a different girl every other weekend, just to forget about her and what she done to you. you’ve changed and you’re changing. and i want you to know that even though youre a different person now, i always be there for you and hopefully you’ll see that i could be more than a friend to you.

Sometimes I read the same books over and over and over. What’s great about books is that the stuff inside doesn’t change. People say you can’t judge a book by its cover but that’s not true because it says right on the cover what’s inside. And no matter how many times you read that book the words and pictures don’t change. You can open and close books a million times and they stay the same. They look the same. They say the same words. The charts and pictures are the same colors. Books are not like people. Books are safe.

"There are two basic motivating forces: Fear and Love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life."

I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say is… I think I love you. Is this love? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t because I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.